12 June, 2014

The Struggle of Seeking

Honestly, I struggle.  I'm struggling this summer.  I struggle against 'going through the motions' of my spirituality.  I struggle with finding a deep connection in my prayer time and in my Bible reading.  I struggle to make time to sit, read, contemplate, and actually talk heart-to-heart to God.  I truly WANT to be in direct connection with my Savior.  I know the need in me for that intimate connection.  However, in contrast I never seem to struggle with checking my email, Facebook and reading that beach novel!
Oh, the condition of our hearts and lives...our human condition.  We struggle, we squirm, we seek to achieve, we strive, we hide, we succeed, we spend, we celebrate, we go, we set goals....we struggle some more.  What are we seeking?

A few days ago I was reading an Oswald Chambers devotional focused on these very familiar verses,
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
These are words we may have heard for years but what do they mean for you today?  What are we asking for today?  What are we seeking?  I wonder if I'm even knocking?

What am I asking? I ask for God's protection when my family travels, I ask for blessings on those I love, I ask for help, I ask for mercy and forgiveness.  I'm so thankful that our God can hear and answer our intimate prayers of concern but I also want to ask big! What if we looked at our lives as eternal appointments, which they are, would our 'asks' change?

What am I seeking?  This is a complex question and one to contemplate today. Is seeking God the opposite of seeking myself?  Do I generally only seek myself and my needs and wants?  Oswald Chambers offers this: the more you realize yourself the less will you seek God.  Really think about this - What are you seeking??

Am I knocking?  This is the scariest of all to me.  It indicates action.  And its action that others can see and hear. It makes a sound.  It causes attention.  Does your heart beat rapidly as you knock on the Door?

Conversely, what is Jesus asking, seeking and knocking in your life?  Does His knock on your heart make you palpitate.  Does your heart burn within you as He knocks?  I wonder if I'm the only one afraid of answering His knock.  Or, am I afraid that He is not knocking on my heart?  Isn't it that One true knocking that fulfills and completes us?

I'm grateful to be on a spiritual journey and I know that where we stand today is exactly the spot where Jesus meets us offering us His love and acceptance.  But we are on a journey and we've yet to reach our destination so let's keep walking together and asking each other hard questions as we travel.  May our hearts beat fast as we come closer to fully knowing Him and may our hearts literally burn within us at His love and grace.  What are you seeking?  Does the knock cause your heart to beat fast within your chest?

Do we dare to seek and be sought?  Ask and be asked?  Knock and answer His knock on our lives?