Do you love me too?
The morning was sunny. It was early and time for coffee. The mom lazily walked to the kitchen to begin the breakfast process for her family and guests. In just a few minutes, her husband joined her. They bantered softly as to not wake the house. Soon thereafter, footfalls were heard and their son joined them in the coffee quest. This son, this broken, recovered son of addiction. The mom still found herself amazed at his recovery and early morning risings. She also held secret questions about how it all happened, how it all went wrong for him, how his childhood could have been better. She had new questions too, but they were far too painful to ask so she simply chose to love. But on this day, God had other plans. In the quiet of the kitchen, as the son was casually conversing he asked the parents, "I've been wondering about something. Is there any thing you'd like to ask me? Is there any issue you've wanted to share?" The mom suddenly felt the pull of tears and a lump in her throat. She suddenly realized that the deep question must now be asked. With stumbling words and multiple pauses, she asked, "Through all your life, with your struggles, even as a little boy, did you ever feel we loved your sister the most? Did you ever feel we loved her more than you?" Tears streamed down her face and her son looked directly into her eyes.
We find Joseph in a similar scene.
So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.
“Here comes that dreamer!” they said to each other. “Come now, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we’ll see what comes of his dreams.”
When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. “Let’s not take his life,” he said. “Don’t shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the wilderness, but don’t lay a hand on him.” Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father.
So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the ornate robe he was wearing— and they took him and threw him into the cistern. The cistern was empty; there was no water in it.
As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.
Judah said to his brothers, “What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? Come, let’s sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood.” His brothers agreed.
The brother's heart's hurt with the pain of not being loved the most, the best, or equally. In this reading we watch as the brother's hurt hearts take over their brains and actions. We experience the plotting, the passive-aggressive natures, the jealousy, their desire to be loved ultimately by their father. And in this reading, I find myself and I find humankind. For each us is striving to be seen, be heard, be appreciated, be loved. Aren't we?
And, I see Jesus. For He too had a similar journey. He was sharing Truth as the Son of God. People didn't want to hear His message. It made the Pharisees insecure...for if Jesus was the ultimate authority, who were they? The people would see through their frailty and therefore, their insecurities began to grow. And they continued to grow, as did fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being recognized. And those emotions festered. And suddenly, a plot began. Questions were pondered... how can we trip up this Teacher? How can we prove we're of value? They decided to lock him up (similar to Joseph's cistern) and teach him a lesson. They did. But it was Jesus who taught the final lesson.
Why are we so afraid? Why are we so fearful? Why are we jealous of other's success? Why do we want what others have? Do we not know that we are loved completely too! Joseph's brothers were so focused on themselves, as were the Pharisees, that they turned inward and listened to their damaged emotions. And acted on their damaged, hurt hearts and minds.
In this Lent season of inward examination, we ask, Lord, do you love me too? Look directly into His eyes, He's given His ultimate answer. And it's, yes, yes and yes. Now, He's asking me...and you, "Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? (John 21). Lent is certainly a time for inward exploration but it must always lead to outward action. Outward action in love for only Him. Let's stop doubting and questioning His love for us and take what He has given us into our work, schools, coffee shops, our very lives.
"Through all your life, with your struggles, even as a little boy, did you ever feel we loved your sister the most? Did you ever feel we loved her more than you?" Tears streamed down her face and her son looked directly into her eyes. "No, mama. Not one time did I ever feel that, never. I always knew you loved me completely."
