17 June, 2017

Treasure Seeker

This week I stumbled.  Stumbled to apologize, stumbled in love, stumbled in service and stumbled in following Him.  In other words, real life happened!  But amidst the stumbling, love arrived...a treasure realized again.

Years and years ago, my mama gave me her first wedding rings.  I treasure these rings.  I wore her thin wedding band for years.  Upon my mother's death, we received many other items from her jewelry box, her kitchen, her china cabinet, her life.  We worked and worked to clean out her house and disperse the items she had collected over the years.  We cried at memories, we laughed, and we despaired at all the STUFF!  But it got done and we returned to our lives with all receiving bits and pieces of treasure from our parents' lives.  I wear a certain bracelet of my mama's quite a bit and I cook in her famous cast-iron skillet.  But those wedding rings...have been lost.  I lost them.  My most valued possession from my mama were lost because of my carelessness.  It physically made me sick when I realized the loss.

Why would I have put so much value in that temporal treasure?  It was a simple, thin gold band yet its value to me was enormous.  The verses below have forced me to think about what I treasure today.  And honestly, it's not my parent's possessions that come between my heart and God it's my own
ME-ness treasure.  My desires, my children, my husband, my plans....you get the flow.
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 
The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darknessMatthew 6:19-23
These verses have always inferred wealth to me or how I spend my money, i.e. treasure.  But the reality is that my treasure is not found in my bank account.  My treasure is my family, my temporal life, my to-do list.  I treasure the days when all is well with my children and their relationships and my relationships. Those are the days when I feel the most peace.  But one phone call or one text expressing sorrow, pain or stress and I seem to move from joy to despair rather quickly.

Could my treasure also be in my plans and my expectations for how my life should run?  Is my treasure in that I "have it all together, all in control"?  Could my treasure be church attendance and church service?  Could my treasure be in my appearance and community work?

I don't know your answers.  I just know that I often lose my way by focusing on earthly treasure.  I can't follow Him because I'm following me and my me-ness.

I wondered this week if my prayers have always been conditional....conditional to how I think things should go or how I think an answered prayer should look?  I wondered if my trust in God has always be conditional as to my own expectations?  And isn't that a false treasure?  A treasure I think I can control?

I pray that my eyes, the lamp of my body, will be healthy and full of Light.  I pray He will give my eyes a way to see His treasure only.

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