07 September, 2012

White-knuckled Ramblings

So the dresses, shoes galore, shelves, toaster oven, towels, more dresses, many more shoes, and finally me and Sarah were crammed into our car and heading west.  We made a straight twelve-hour drive mama and daughter, fun times.  We shopped in Austin some more and finally realized our car was literally FULL.  The next day, we unloaded and set up her new place, her new home.  And suddenly, we were saying good-bye.  Goodness gracious…how could the years have gone by so quickly?  My girl, the girl I had dreamed of, the girl named after my mother and me…beginning her life.  So many tears flowed that day of good-bye.  A friend of mine told me the next week, “of course there is pain in letting her go, Kathy.  This was a project God gave you 18 years ago and you’ve been working hard at it for all those years.”

Jesus is praying for his disciples:
6 “I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world.  They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word.  Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you.
11b Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.17 Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth.” John 17: 6, 11,15 
They were yours, you gave them to me – they were yours: Sarah.  Sarah is yours, as well as Ray, Nick, my career, friends and future.  So today I want to give them back to you, as they are not mine to hold onto.
Forgive me for holding on so tightly that my hands are clenched and the knuckles of my hands are white from strain.  It’s fear that makes me clutch and hold on so tightly.  Fear of losing something I hold so dear?  Is it fear of letting go and watching their backs as they walk away into their futures?  Fear of what’s next?
So…I unclench my hands today and pray you protect them from harm, from evil and that you draw them closer to you.
Fill my empty nest.  Fill my nest with your new gifts.  Fill me empty nest with your people in need.  I watch and wait with eager anticipation, as You are the giver of GOOD gifts.  All I have is yours – All I am in yours.
But wait…aren’t we ALL called to the empty nest, i.e., to empty ourselves of anything except Jesus?  Emptying our success, our social status, our achievements, our luxury, and our abilities?
For just like the gift of children all of these “good” things are a gift from God.  None of these accomplishments could we have achieved through our own ability and know-how.  When will we finally, finally acknowledge and accept that only God, ONLY God has given the good gifts in our lives? I know I still clench my hands until they’re white-knuckled as I fiercely hold onto my “things”.
I daresay there are many of us white-knuckled today.
Let go ….welcome your own empty nest into your life, as He will refill us over and over.

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