03 January, 2012

NewYear Tears

Warning: the words below are personal. I take no offense if you skip this blog…

For me to write is a way to healing….so I must write…to let HIM into my brokenness.

When I was growing up, I learned two difficult things: words can hurt people and the silence of no words can hurt people. So it seems words have always surrounded me in good ways and in bad. I find it interesting that now I write words to express my own heart’s joy, pain and celebration. I also find it interesting that my love language is words. So in contrast this also means that the way to hurt me most is through words.

It’s January 3, and for the second time in this New Year I sit crying. I sit in my prayer chair, typing on my laptop as the tears stream down my face. So why tears today?

It’s all about the words…words spoken plainly, unguarded and matter-of-factly from a teen or from a mom struggling with dementia. Harsh words from people I adore absolutely kill my heart. I think back to earlier days when my little girl would run to greet me and throw her arms around me as though I was the greatest gift she had ever received. I remember my mama’s sweet words of love and pride in me….

…when these earthly words are gone…I cry and I doubt who I am.

But as I sit with my eyes closed and tears streaming, I hear Him using His words to woo me, reminding me that I am His and He is mine forever. He assures me of His love for simple me. He affirms my being, He reminds me that He is here IN me now. “Let me hear your words Father”, I breathe. '

You are my child. I created you. I have a plan for you – a future and a hope. Cast your worry on me. I treasure your tears and your heart. I will not forsake you. I will not forsake you. You are my child. I accept you and love you…forever.'

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children on God! And that is what we are!” I John 3:1